


I can't help but fall for you

by alistaircousland



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Blaine Friendly, Future Fic, I swear this has a happy ending, M/M, Sebastian has depression but i promise he's okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26617198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alistaircousland/pseuds/alistaircousland
Summary: Even the New York power couple gets trouble in paradise. Question is, were they strong enough to go back being KurtandSebastian?Or, in other words, Kurt and Sebastian fought six months before their marriage.
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 6
Kudos: 49





	I can't help but fall for you

**Author's Note:**

> Songs that inspired me to write this:  
> 1\. [ I Don't Miss You At All - Finneas ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6ee7CHWggDCiHtZdgzqnJG?si=B6-S2vQ3RUSBAAMpabgA0Q)  
> 2\. [ Was It Something I Said - MyKey ](https://open.spotify.com/track/65j65yDSE06CNKAPjsHoJt?si=DsrQ1Mw5RCKCikW86s9uFA)  
> 3\. [ Sunkissed - khai dreams ](https://open.spotify.com/track/1tD8J13a74q8fBqXwAP50j?si=obQXRDjFQtKGYg2SF9Eekw)

Christmas was coming up. Sebastian was climbing the ladders to put on the star on their tree when the front door opened with Blaine helping Kurt inside their flat.

“Sorry, Seb, I know you told me to take care of him, but he has a mind of his own.” Was the greeting he got from Blaine as the shorter man lowered his fiancé on the sofa. “He was having too much beer.”

Sebastian sighed and stepped down, the star was back in its box, and went to carry Kurt on his own. “Thanks, Blaine. At least there’s someone to drive him home.”

Blaine gave him a weak smile and went for the tree. “Go. I’ll put the star on.”

Sebastian nodded and went to their bedroom and put Kurt down carefully, trying not to wake the man up. He sighed as he sat next to the unconscious body, his hand going up and down, caressing Kurt’s beautiful face. It’s the fifth time he had sent Blaine to watch out for Kurt at parties. As a journalist, Blaine was a better fit to keep an eye on Kurt, a fashion designer, than Sebastian, a lawyer. And it’s been the… oh, Sebastian has lost count again, time Kurt went home drunk off his ass.

The taller man kissed Kurt’s temple, staying at that position until his body said he couldn’t stay bent unless he wants a bad back tomorrow, so he went up and went back to the living room. Blaine was still struggling to put the star on. Sebastian snickered.

“Get down, Anderson. I’ll do it.” He said as he snatched the star away and put it on with a little struggle on his part.

“There. Done. Although I don’t know who else will be admiring this other than us.” There was quite a snipe on his tone, and Blaine got it.

“It’s about time you talk to him about it, Bas.” Blaine said as he flopped down on the couch, Sebastian following right behind.

“I don’t want to jeopardize our relationship. We’re getting married in less than six months, Blaine. It’s not time to fuck this up.” Sebastian buried his face in his hands. “I love him.”

“I know you do. I knew the feeling.” Blaine sighed. His marriage with Kurt was a disaster. It was rainbow and unicorn at first, yes, but at the end, they realized they really do _not_ work well living together, and Kurt decided to divorce Blaine one-sidedly. It was how they met Sebastian again. “But now that Kurt had forgiven me, trust me, Bas, he talks about you like he talks about NYADA back then in high school. You’re his dream. You’re his life. He will try to make it work.”

“Not if he doesn’t realize he’s already fucked up.” Sebastian sniped again. “It’s almost two weeks since we’ve had sex. It’s been three days since he had the energy to kiss me goodnight. It’s been five days since he kissed me other than in the morning. It’s been been weeks since he’d made breakfast, when he’s usually the morning person.” He sighed. “Well, he was out of the _country_ for one week, so I can’t really count that. But he’s been out of the city, the country, and hell, the _fucking world_ more than I’ve touched him more than what we used to.”

“You should tell him, Sebastian. Kurt is too immersed in his job, maybe.” Blaine shrugged, though it wasn’t a good answer. He knew. And he made sure of it when Sebastian said, “Yes, immersed in his job means _going home drunk, barely conscious, and just blessed enough to have a friend to take him home to me_. Sometimes I don’t even know who this friend is! Or, or, what parties were they!” He sobbed to his hands.

Blaine sighed as he put a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder and patted it, but not trying to stop the crying. He’s seen the man cry over Kurt quite a lot lately. “Ssssh. Do you want some hot chocolate?” He offered with a slight joke in his tone.

Sebastian snickered again between tears. “N-no. No.” He wiped his face and looked at Blaine. “Was it this frustrating when you were at the end?”

Blaine shook his head. “No. It was me who fucked up, remember? I didn’t realize a shit. The next thing I knew, Kurt was bringing home a divorce lawyer named Sebastian Smythe to make me sign over some papers.”

“I miss him, Blaine. I miss the one who would snap at me when I don’t wake up when our alarm rings. I miss Kurt who would snuggle up to me and talk about the upcoming fashion week, even though I don’t understand anything. I miss Kurt who would fall asleep _on our bed_ with his design half-finished and will get it done by the time he wakes up. I miss Kurt who would immediately run to brush his teeth and make breakfast for us at 7 am sharp. I miss the man who would nag me about having kids or pets. I miss someone to… someone to… someone….” Sebastian drew a long breath. “I miss Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, my fiancé, your ex, Burt Hummel’s son, my niece’s favorite. I don’t want Kurt Hummel, thriving fashion designer, with no time at home at all.”

Both didn’t speak for a moment, only Blaine’s constant rubbing at Sebastian’s shoulder that kept the lawyer aware. It was until a phone rang both flinched, before Blaine pulled out his phone. “Damn. It’s Sam. I gotta go… Will you be ok on your own?”

Sebastian was silent for a while. “Yeah, you go.” He shot Blaine a smile that didn’t catch his eyes, but Blaine looked past it. Sebastian’s smiles rarely catch his eyes anymore. “Okay. Tell me if you need anything, alright?” Sebastian nodded.

Blaine was halfway out when he poked his head. “Just talk about it, okay? Talk about it before it’s too late.”

“Okay.”

***

“I’ve booked us a table at Rocha.” Sebastian said one day, when he finally had Kurt for himself after _forever_ waiting. It’s Christmas break, they’ve planned to not do any work for two weeks, and they’re laying on their bed, no piece of cloth on their body at all, just beads of sweat covering them.

“Oh? When?” Kurt said, his head bent on one side in that _adorable_ way that Sebastian found as his favorite expression.

“Tonight.” Sebastian replied, his arm tightened around Kurt’s shoulders. Kurt’s face, however, faltered at the time confirmation.

“I have a meeting.” Kurt said. “Around five, in the other part of the city.” He continued.

“Kurt, we’ve planned this from months ago. No work.” Sebastian bumped his nose on Kurt’s neck. “Please. Move it. Come have dinner with me. It’s been too long. _Please_ , Kurt.”

“Sebastian…” Kurt sighed. Sebastian kept nosing his neck and chin, pleading. “I can’t even remember the last time we’ve had a decent meal together before one of us bolting out of that door. Baby, _please_ , just one dinner.”

“I… I’ll try.” Kurt reached for his phone. Sebastian smiled and kissed his chin repeatedly. “Thank you,” he whispered. Kurt smiled back and kissed him quickly. “I love you, Sebastian.”

But dinner turned uneventful. Kurt was antsy with his job, checking his phone every ten minutes, and sighing every fifteen minutes.

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian blurted out.

“What?” Kurt asked, eyes still glued to his phone.

“I forced you to come here. I know you don’t want to. Let’s just go to your meeting,” Sebastian snapped as he put down the menu.

“No, no, don’t. You just order anything for the two of us and I’ll get this done soon.” Kurt waved his hand, still not looking at Sebastian.

“ _Kurt_. You’re obviously uncomfortable. Let’s just go to your meeting. There’s a coffee shop midway, let’s just go there. I’ll accompany you.” He stood up and fixed his jacket.

“Sebastian, I—”

“ _No, Kurt_. Up. Let’s just go, okay? The night is still young, they won’t be sleeping soon.” Sebastian picked Kurt up by one arm and practically dragged him out. He ignored the complaints from Kurt and even the nice lady that asked him if they had done anything disappointing.

Soon they were sat in the little but nice coffee shop in Lower Manhattan, Sebastian looking out of the window while Kurt excitedly talking to whoever-those-people-are, rethinking about what Blaine had said a few days prior.

_“You should tell him, Sebastian.”_

Maybe Sebastian should’ve told Kurt about it. About this doubt he had about their marriage, about their relationship. Is he not important anymore? Will he ever get any time with Kurt prior and after the wedding, or will Kurt fly away to the freaking moon after they said their vows? How big is the chance of them getting divorced?

And _God_ he wanted to so, _so_ much to talk about it. But Kurt was never around. Sebastian looked at Kurt, eyes twinkling while talking about his latest design and talking about what to and what not to wear in this season, blah-blah, and he sighed. He’s just afraid.

Afraid of losing Kurt; afraid of losing whatever they had; afraid of losing _the love of his life._ Sebastian had dated several men after college, but it was never as _real_ as his relationship with Kurt. He was never so sure in his life, not even in the courtroom, when he said yes to Kurt on the runway for his third show with all the cameras and models and magazine editors and what not. He was never so sure about any answer he’d given in his life and it was so _magical,_ and he was so, _so_ happy.

But right now? He had to pull some strings to get that reservation in Rocha _five months before_ , and when they were on it Kurt wasn’t even _interested_. And look at him now! So energetic, full with energy and passion, and Sebastian wondered if he’s even on Kurt’s list of importance anymore.

Sebastian sighed as he saw a woman pushing a stroller down the road, presumably her baby inside it. Back then, whenever Kurt mentioned having children, Sebastian was a little bit doubtful about it. But now? If that meant having Kurt linger around more often, then he’d make as many children as possible.

Kurt probably would go to all those meetings all around the globe and leave Sebastian with the babysitting.

Sebastian sighed. Apparently it was loud enough to be heard by the other participants in the table, because one of those people—Mandy, Mira, Moira, whatever—acknowledged this by asking, “Are we boring you?”

Sometimes, Sebastian hates the fashion industry. “No. I’m tired.”

“Let’s wrap this up, then! We can meet again next morning, yes?” She asked.

“Yes.” Kurt said as Sebastian replied “No.”

The fiancés looked at each other.

“No,” Sebastian finalized it, “we have a plane to catch. Our parents really want to see us. I suppose you know about our upcoming wedding, no?” he asked with a slight sarcasm at the end.

“Oh, yes, of course. I’m sorry. After New Year’s, then?” The woman asked again.

“We’ll crosscheck our schedules first. Thank you.” Sebastian said sternly as he grabbed Kurt by the forearm and walked out of the coffee shop, with Kurt trying to break Sebastian’s hold—but alas, the taller guy is stronger than him.

“Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian!” Kurt chanted the whole way as Sebastian practically dragged them to where the car service was waiting for them. When Sebastian held the door open for him, he grumbled before climbing in, scooting over to the furthest side of the car. He heard the door slamming shut, and Emmanuel maneuvering the car out of its parking spot and into the New York traffic, but no sound from the man he was supposed to marry in six months.

“What the fuck, Sebastian?” Kurt started.

“You mean, what the _fuck_ , Kurt?” Sebastian repeated, eyes full of… sadness, as he faced Kurt. There were tears pooling in his eyes.

“Why are you crying?” Kurt asked, trying to grab on Sebastian’s hand, but it was swatted away.

“I’m not.” The other man blinked fast in an attempt to get the wetness in his eyes gone. It was futile—Sebastian finally took a tissue and wiped his eyes.

“Sebastian, what’s wrong?” Kurt scooted closer, finally grabbing Sebastian’s hand and not swatted away. He squeezed lightly.

“Do you really want to marry me?” Sebastian’s eyes, so green and wet over sadness, faced Kurt’s own confused blue. “Just, think about it, Kurt. Do you really want to marry me?”

“Of course I do! I love you, Seb—”

“If I were to make Emmanuel stop at the city hall. Will you marry me right there and then?”

Kurt was startled. “Well, we technically haven’t applied for our marriage license but—”

“If we _had_. If there’s nothing stopping us but _us_. Will you?”

Silence.

“I knew it.” Sebastian dropped Kurt’s hand and turned his body slightly, so that his sight was to the concrete jungle outside of the car.

“Sebastian, of course I want to marry you! I wouldn’t propose to you if I didn’t! But what about our family—they would be devastated if they weren’t here for it. And, and, there would be the tabloids gossiping about us having secret weddings and whatever—that won’t be good for us or our family. And Sebastian, come on, I love you, but I don’t want a winter wedding.” Kurt tried.

But Sebastian wouldn’t budge.

“You haven’t called me other than Sebastian for a month.” He finally said after a few minutes.

“What do you mean?”

“You’d call me nicknames, before.” Sebastian moved again so that he couldn’t see Kurt even from his peripheral vision. “ _Seb_. _Bas_. Even _Meerkat_. But you only call me Sebastian now. The whole thing. Three syllables name.”

Kurt was silent. He didn’t know what to respond.

“Do you love me, Kurt?” Sebastian asked, barely audible, but Kurt could see him shuddering as he tried to stop himself from crying.

“Of course I do, Sebastian.” Kurt reached out to caress Sebastian’s forearm, going back and forth in an attempt to calm the other man down.

“Are you in love with me, Kurt?” Sebastian asked, louder this time, but still caught in a sob.

“I just said I do, didn’t I?” Kurt gave a lopsided smile, even when the other man couldn’t see him. “I love you, Sebastian.”

“I find that hard to believe.” The taller man moved again so he could face Kurt. There were tears in his face and Kurt was _aching_ to reach out and tell him _it’ll be okay_ , but it’s probably too late. So he let his fiancé talk. “You… we… we haven’t been us in a while.”

“I know, I’m so sorry, I know I’ve been busy—”

Sebastian didn’t let him finish. “Do you know why Blaine is always at your parties?” Kurt shook his head. “I asked him to. I figured it would be better to have someone to take care of you, someone that we both know and trust, even when that someone is your ex-husband. I can’t… I can’t spend all my nights to worry about you. To worry when you’ll come home. To worry _if_ you’d come home.

“It hurts so, so much Kurt. When was the last time we went on a date? When was the last time you kissed me good night? When was the last time we were just _us_? Do you know? Because I don’t, because it’s been so long, and it’s been too long that I can’t remember anymore.” Sebastian took a deep breath. “And don’t tell me it’s because of my head because I’ve been meeting my therapist again. But you didn’t realize that, did you?”

Kurt lowered his head. No, he didn’t. Sebastian was right. He himself couldn’t remember when the last time they were _KurtandSebastian_ instead of Kurt and Sebastian, high-profile New York power couple.

“I’m sorry, Sebastian, I… I didn’t realize. I’m so, so sorry.” Kurt stilled his hand, the one still holding Sebastian’s arm, and looked at that connection.

When was the last time they even made out? Cuddled? Cooked together in the kitchen, making a mess, having a karaoke blast?

They literally just had sex a few hours before, but… it didn’t feel like making love.

Were they still in love?

“Sebastian, I’m sorry.” Kurt squeezed Sebastian’s arm, the one he was still holding, and silently glad that the other man didn’t swat him away. He raised his head to look into Sebastian’s face to see… the hurt, the sadness, the anger morphing into one in those green eyes.

There was a time when Kurt couldn’t even see those green eyes amidst the black when they were in bed.

There was a time when Sebastian’s eyes were never that green when they saw Kurt.

Maybe Sebastian was right.

Kurt was even referring Sebastian in his mind as _Sebastian_.

“You’re right.” Kurt raised his hand to cup Sebastian’s face, and his heart gave a little pang when Sebastian didn’t lean into his touch. There was a time when Sebastian would always lean into him, even a little bit, whenever their skin touched.

“I’m so sorry. I will try to be better.” He caressed Sebastian’s cheek, slowly, wiping the tears away from his fiancé’s handsome face. “I’m so, so sorry Sebastian, I didn’t realize everything. I’m sorry.”

The car stopped. They’re home.

Sebastian didn’t say anything before exiting the car and left the door open for Kurt. He didn’t even wait for him.

“Thanks, Emmanuel.”

Emmanuel smiled in response from the rear-view mirror.

***

Their visit to Ohio was so tense you could cut it with a knife. Sebastian wouldn’t say more than a sentence to Kurt and Kurt was helpless, all the while their family didn’t know what to do.

Kurt silently cursed that Sebastian’s mother was probably overjoyed in secret. Cécile was always obvious in her dislike of Kurt, but she was civil enough to not create drama out of it.

He was in the Smythe’s dining room, the host family busy in the kitchen while the guest family were setting the table. Their families have done this for a few occasions by now—Thanksgiving, last year’s Christmas, each family’s anniversaries, that it felt like second nature—but Kurt never had a deep plunge in his heart before as he smoothed down the tablecloth.

He yelped when something—or someone—latched on to his legs.

“Hey little guy!” Kurt squatted to take Malachi, Sebastian’s nephew, into his arms and tossed the toddler in the air. “I missed you!”

Which he was truthful. He missed Malachi. Even with all the mess that is their relationship, Kurt wished that he’d never have to say goodbye to Malachi. The little boy was too pure and too kind to understand why Kurt would have to stray away.

“Miss you Kurt!” Malachi wrapped his little arms around Kurt’s neck before sliding down to the ground and running out of the room.

“You’re always his favorite, you know.” Katherine, Sebastian’s older sister, said as she carried a bowl of salad to the dining room.

“Please, let me.” Kurt took the bowl from Katherine’s hand and set it in the middle of the table. “Yeah, he’s my favorite too. Is it true you’re moving back to America full-time?”

Katherine had been living in Israel for the seven years, ever since she got married to Malachi’s father. While Kurt liked Katherine, they have met so sparsely that they might as well be acquaintances. It was only when she separated from her husband one year ago that they have gotten to know each other more.

“Yeah. I mean, now that I’m officially a single woman, there’s nothing holding me back in Israel. Malachi’s here. However, I do miss the IT scene… they’re really, really advanced.” She sighed dramatically and then smiled to Kurt. “But I’m pretty sure Silicon Valley can hold up to my skills.”

“You’re probably over-skilled and will be underpaid, but we’ll see.” Kurt nudged her shoulder. For a second, he forgot he was not even in a talking stage with her brother, and what they have right now might not even transform into a family anyway.

A man could only hope.

“ _Merde_!” They heard Sebastian curse from the kitchen, followed with a string of other words that Malachi shouldn’t be hearing. “ _Connasse! Mince! Imbécile!_ ”

“I should—”

“Is he—”

Katherine and Kurt halted their sentences. “Let’s see to him together,” offered Katherine. “Malachi should be with my parents.”

When they got to the kitchen, Sebastian was crouching in front of the sink, as he let cold water stream through his left hand. “Don’t worry. I just burned my hand trying to flambe.”

“That’s gotta hurt,” said Kurt. He went to the freezer to get something cold for Sebastian and offered it to his… The ring is—gone.

“Where’s your ring?” Kurt asked softly, hoping that he wasn’t going to have a negative response. Sebastian turned around as he accepted the bag of frozen peas from Kurt.

The taller man hissed as he pressed the frozen peas with more force than necessary. “I took it off. Didn’t want it to be dirty.” He sighed as he relieved a bit of the pressure. “Though I don’t think I can put it on again for now. This is going to sting.”

Kurt nodded. He saw Katherine salvaging what was left in the pan, which was— “You were making crepes?”

Sebastian nodded, his eyes meeting the ground instead of Kurt. “I know it’s your favorite, and we haven’t had a lot of our favorites lately, so I thought we could snack on it while we wait for the chicken to cook.”

“You… you made my favorite food.” Kurt raised his hand tentatively, hovering around Sebastian’s face, unsure if he was allowed to touch. Sebastian nodded again, eyeing Kurt’s hand. Kurt smiled at the response and pressed his hand to Sebastian’s cheek, caressing it softly. “Thank you.”

“Doesn’t matter. I burned my hand.” Sebastian huffed. “Maybe it’s a sign.”

“It’s _not_ a sign.” Kurt forced Sebastian to look at him. “There are no signs. We’re okay.”

Sebastian pressed his lips together in a thin line, as if he was going to argue.

“Come on, let me help you with the burn. Do you have some honey? It should help with the blisters.” Kurt took Sebastian’s left wrist as they maneuvered around the kitchen in search of honey. As he got it from the upper cupboard and lathered Sebastian’s hand with it, he couldn’t help but notice the naked ring finger. He knew Sebastian said he took it off so he didn’t get it dirty, but it still hurt to see Sebastian’s finger sans his ring.

“I hope you’ll never take it off, whatever happens to us.” Kurt murmured, mostly to himself, as he massaged Sebastian’s hand.

“We’ll see.”

If Kurt felt that those two words stung more than Sebastian’s burned hand, he didn’t say anything.

***

Kurt spent the whole dinner helping Sebastian cut his food, as Sebastian’s dominant hand was still hurting and thus couldn’t hold his knife properly without cutting his other hand. Sebastian mostly lowered his head as if his whole world was the food in front of him, barely noticing the small talk their families were making.

That is, until they talked plans for the spring.

“I’m thinking of going to France,” the lawyer said, raising his head to finally meet everyone’s eyes. Cécile was smiling as if she knew this was coming and of _course_ she knew.

“What about your work, Sebastian?” Kurt asked, caressing Sebastian’s unburned hand.

“It’s fine. I’ll ask for unpaid time off.” He shrugged. “I think it’d be nice, you know, to stay in the vineyard in spring. Drive a while to go to the Riviera, then maybe drive around the Alps.”

“Spring would be New York Fashion Week, right?” Katherine asked. “I can always be Kurt’s plus one. God knows I _rock_ the runway.”

Katherine shot a wink to Kurt, and he was grateful for his ally. He smiled thinly at her as he kept caressing Sebastian’s hand. “I can catch up with you after Fashion Week,” he offered.

“No.” Sebastian took his hand away from Kurt, and _god_ Kurt could have sworn he heard Cécile chuckling, but no, he was not going to fight his future mother-in-law right now. “I… I think I’d like to be alone there. To think. Maybe a little, future-er.”

“We can always go together to visit you and Cécile.” Albert, Sebastian’s father, piped up. “If I inform my absence now, I’m pretty sure I’ll get the time off.”

“Yeah! We can always go there like when we were little.” Katherine supported. “Malachi would love the beach too. Ohio is too cold for his Middle East body.” The toddler just nodded eagerly at the sound of _beach_.

Kurt didn’t budge into the Smythes’ comments. He pried Sebastian’s attention from the food to himself and was glad he didn’t have to do too much to make Sebastian face him. “But you will be back in the summer for the wedding, right?”

Sebastian didn’t say anything for a while, but he finally nodded and gave Kurt a smile. He leaned to kiss Kurt, just a little peck, but Kurt was in cloud nine just because of that.

“I love you.” Kurt whispered against Sebastian’s lips. Sebastian merely looked at him and smiled wider. “I know,” he said.

It wasn’t the response Kurt wanted, but it was better than nothing.

***

Sebastian dreaded coming back to New York. He knew both of them would be swarmed with work and there’d be no time to work on _them_ the way they needed it. He had a mountain of cases he had to take care of before his leave in spring and Kurt was obviously running against the clock for New York Fashion Week.

It only took a week until Blaine was taking Kurt home again in his arms. Only, this time, Kurt was awake. Drunk, but awake. As soon as the two exes arrived in the front door of the penthouse, Kurt crashed his body against Sebastian in an attempt to bear hug his fiancé.

“I don’t want to let you go,” he murmured against Sebastian’s chest.

“Excuse me?” Sebastian said, pushing Kurt away so he could hear Kurt perfectly, but that only made Kurt fall to the ground and wail.

“See! Blaine! He let me go!”

Sebastian had a feeling this wasn’t the first time tonight. “What happened, Blaine?”

Blaine shrugged. “He’d been dramatic tonight. Kept talking about how he’s fucked up the two of you and that you’re going to leave him.”

Sebastian sighed and squatted next to Kurt, who was sobbing on the floor. “Alright, come on babe, up.” Before he climbed the stairs to their bedroom, he turned around to face Blaine. “Thanks again, Blaine.”

“No problem.” Blaine smiled as he left the penthouse. “Good luck, guys.”

Sebastian heard the elevator ding, signaling Blaine’s descend, as he put Kurt down on the bed and started to undress his fiancé. The ring was back on his left hand, but it felt even heavier than it had been before. As he took off Kurt’s shirt, Kurt had regained a bit of his consciousness to make grabby hands at Sebastian.

“Come here, Sebastian, let me kiss my fiancé.” Kurt pursed his lips as if chasing a kiss and Sebastian couldn’t help but let out a little giggle and pecked Kurt’s lips.

“You’re silly. Help me out, lift your hips a bit.” Sebastian pulled Kurt’s pants off. “I’m just going to get some pajamas for you, alright? Try to stay awake.”

Kurt nodded absently as he curled into a fetal position. Sebastian sighed, kissing his temple as he removed himself from the bed to put Kurt’s dirty laundry away and get a pair of pajamas for the poor fellow. When he came back, Kurt was snoring softly, and he sighed again. He maneuvered Kurt until he could slip the pajamas on to him and then helped him into a more comfortable sleeping position before slipping to the space next to Kurt on the bed.

“Good night, love.” Sebastian whispered against his temple.

He thought they were getting better since Ohio, since he burned his hand and they made amends, but maybe he was imagining things. It wouldn’t be the first time.

***

Surprised would be the best adjective to explain Kurt’s feeling when he heard Sebastian’s request.

“You want to… postpone the wedding?” He repeated. He couldn’t believe it—they’ve been working on this for so long, and just four months before they were to marry, Sebastian wanted out?

“Yeah.” Sebastian said with full conviction, as if he had thought about this long and hard before telling Kurt. “We’re still drifting apart, and I’d really like to figure us out before tying the knot. Like I always said, marriage is—”

“—the most important legal action you could do other than dying, I know. But… haven’t we worked things out? We’re better now, aren’t we?” Kurt wrapped Sebastian’s hands in his, caressing the freckled skin with his thumb.

“It’s… we’re not the _us_ we were before we were engaged.” Sebastian let out a long breath. “I talked about this to Alisa too… she said it would be better to figure out what is _us_ , who is _us_ first before… we tie the knot.”

“What do you mean we’re not us? This is us, Sebastian.” Kurt squeezed Sebastian’s hands. “We’re okay, right?”

Sebastian shook his head but did not take his hands away. “I need time. I just…,” he sighed, “I thought we were getting better when we were in Ohio. But then we came back and you just… we just… it’s just back. You coming home drunk and me nursing you. Or me having late hours at the office. We haven’t had time for each other and as much as I love you, Kurt…

“I don’t want to marry Kurt Hummel, fashion designer. I want to marry Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, the silly Kurt that would cook me breakfast in bed, the angry Kurt that would probably cut my balls off if I didn’t match him to his events, the lovely Kurt that would surrender himself to me every night of the week without reeking so much of alcohol.” Sebastian then dropped Kurt’s hands from his.

“I…” Sebastian slipped the ring from his finger, and Kurt panicked.

“No! No please don’t, keep it please, Sebastian please I will do anything just don’t…” Something cold hit his palm. The ring.

“I told Uncle Charles I’ll be taking the leave earlier. I should… pack. I’ll stay somewhere until I have to go.”

“Sebastian…” Kurt felt tears pooling in his eyes, but his hands were frozen in place, with the ring on top of them.

“I love you, Kurt, but I really need to escape for now. I will come back when I figure it out, I promise.” Sebastian kissed his forehead and Kurt could feel warm wetness against his skin, that Sebastian was crying too, and oh god.

“Sebastian…” Kurt gulped. “Please stay. We can figure us out together. I am a part of _us_ as much as you are, remember?”

The other man smiled sadly. “I know. But maybe you need time from me as well to figure out your own self.”

When Sebastian removed himself from the couch to pack his belongings, that was when it hit Kurt.

He’s lost Sebastian.

***

A few days before Sebastian’s flight, Kurt was surprised to see a second pair of shoes in the front door. “Sebastian? Are you home?”

There wasn’t an answer, but Kurt could hear ruckus coming out of the study. He let his feet lead himself to the study and he was right—his… ex-fiancé?—rummaging through the cupboards in order to find something. Probably his reading materials.

“Hi Sebastian.” Kurt called, with probably too much excitement, but he couldn’t bother to care. His… his _love_ is in front of him after one week of absence, and he was so, so excited to have Sebastian back.

The other man turned around so fast, he had to balance himself to the table. “Oh, I thought you’d be home later.”

“Yeah, well, I deserve a break from the Fashion Week fiasco.” Kurt smiled. “I was just back to get my notebook, but I saw your shoes, so I decided to see.”

Sebastian smiled back. Kurt studied how he looked—pale, with dark circles under his eyes, and… has he gotten thinner? How long has that happened?

“Have you eaten?” Kurt asked. Sebastian shook his head. “I can make you crepes?” Kurt offered with a slight tilt to his head. “It’s the least I can do before you go to France.”

Sebastian sighed. “I can’t stay for long, I’m just here for my journal.” He held the small leather-bound book in his hand. “Alisa gave me some journaling homework while I’m away.”

Kurt let his smile fall into a thin line. “Okay. Are you sure you don’t want to stay for a bite? It’ll be the last time with me until you come back.”

The taller man looked as if he was considering it, his forehead crunching in that adorable frown, and he finally nodded. “Okay, a bite wouldn’t hurt.”

“Thank you.” He couldn’t help but skip to the kitchen as he prepared to make the revered crepes. He could hear shuffling from the other person as he settled to sit down on the counter, on the other side of the kitchen, keeping his distance but was nonetheless _around_.

“I… I miss you so much, Sebastian.” Kurt said as he whisked the batter in the bowl, making sure there was no air bubbles and no clumps. “I know it’s only been a week, but it felt longer.”

Sebastian smiled sadly. “I miss you too, Kurt.” He decided to not respond to the second part.

As Kurt cooked, Sebastian finally opened his mouth. “You haven’t changed a thing here.”

Kurt chuckled. “Why would I change anything?”

“I don’t know… I broke our engagement. Maybe you don’t want to think about me or be reminded of me.” Sebastian swung his legs as he looked down on the ground.

“But you promised to come back. And that’s all that matters. Me and this home will be here when you come back.” Kurt said as he flipped the crepes on to the plates. “Could you get me some ice cream, please?”

Sebastian jumped off the counter and to the freezer, getting out a tube of… “Strawberry cheesecake.” He chuckled. “You kept my favorite.”

“Best of both worlds.” Kurt smiled as he took the tube out of Sebastian’s hands and scooped an unhealthy amount of, well, scoops, of ice cream on both plates. He gave one plate to Sebastian as he walked around him to put the ice cream back to the freezer.

“Come on, let’s eat on the windowsill.” Kurt basically _skipped_ the whole way to the ottoman next to the window, where they could see New York in its afternoon glory.

Sebastian smiled at Kurt’s antics as he settled down in front of Kurt. “You seem awfully chipper.”

“Of course! I have you back.” Kurt smiled, really wide, but he realized it immediately and blushed, deciding to chomp on his crepes instead. “I think I’m getting better at this.”

Sebastian nodded. “I have to agree. Maman would be proud of you.”

Kurt sighed at the mention of his ex-future mother-in-law. “Cécile would never be proud of me, Sebastian. She hates me.”

“She means well.” Sebastian shrugged. “You’re the only person I’ve ever been with that I introduced to my family, so I’m sure she’s just protective.”

Kurt let out a long breath. “You mean, she saw this coming? Us breaking up? Because I didn’t.”

“Not… that.” Sebastian sighed as he spooned a big chunk of the ice cream to his mouth.

“Then what? Because I’m not masculine enough? Because of my poor, humble root of Nowhere, Ohio?”

“Kurt. I’m here to get my journal and have a bite with someone I love. I’d rather not talk about your feud with my mom.” Sebastian sighed. “Please, I love you both.”

Kurt sighed as well. “Okay.” He put down his plate and looked out to the city below. “Will you call me? From France? Or can I call you?”

“If you want to.” Sebastian said. “But you’ll be busy with Fashion Week.”

“Right. Yeah. You’re right, not to mention the time difference.” Kurt picked his plate again and finished his crepes in one single succession. “…Can I still take Katherine as my date? She would look really, really hot in the red dress I made for her.”

Sebastian smiled. “Take her away. If she’s lucky she might find someone new.”

“Thank you.”

Silence fell between them as they both finished their crepes, only the faint noise of traffic below reminded them where they were.

“I should—”

“I just—”

Kurt and Sebastian looked at each other. They both smiled.

“It’s great to see you, Kurt.” Sebastian reached out as if he wanted to touch Kurt’s face, but he put his hand down and decided to squeeze Kurt’s hand quickly.

“I wish you well, Sebastian.” Kurt kept the smile on his face, albeit a wistful one. “I’m really sorry that I fucked it up.”

Sebastian stood up, journal in hand, and kissed Kurt’s hair. “We’ll figure it out. Don’t… don’t be a stranger, please, you can always talk to me. You’ll always be my best friend.”

Kurt closed his eyes as he felt the lips against his hair, and he squeezed his eyes shut even more when he heard the descending elevator.

There’s a Fashion Week calling his name and a studio full of frustrated people waiting his instructions. Kurt stood on his feet and cleaned up their mess.

Sebastian promised to come home. When he does, Kurt will be there, waiting for him.

***

With Sebastian gone, Kurt was suddenly pulled into the chaos to get everything done in time for New York Fashion Week. His parents, Katherine and Malachi are staying with him in the penthouse the week before the show, with Katherine getting her dress set up personally by Kurt so she would turn heads left and right. Just the way Kurt wanted.

“Have you talked to Sebastian?” Katherine asked as Kurt was double-checking her measurements.

“Not yet. I’m really swamped and whenever I could find a time to stop, it would be really late or early in France.” Kurt sighed as he kneeled in front of Katherine and measured her hips.

“Usually, when I have a gorgeous man kneeling in front of me, it’s for something less innocent than my _measurements_ ,” she quipped, and Kurt couldn’t help the chuckle that came out of his lips. She was indeed Sebastian’s sister.

“But they would be admiring your measurements nonetheless.” Kurt winked as he measured the length of her legs and stood up to take the numbers.

“I need to tweak the waistline a little, but otherwise you’re ready to go. I swear, we’ll be the best dressed this weekend.” Kurt kissed Katherine’s cheeks as he tidied up his tools.

“Oh pssh.” Katherine swatted at Kurt’s shoulder, then she realized. “What do you mean you need to tweak my waistline?”

“Well, as it turns out, someone’s lost two inches since last year.” Kurt shrugged. “Please don’t be a twig though. I’m going to stuff you with American delicacies after we’re done with the Week.”

“Hush! American ‘delicacy’ is just grease.”

“Exactly. You need it.” Kurt said with a pointed glare. “How is Malachi handling your divorce?”

They looked at the toddler happily playing with Kurt’s parents. It seemed like Burt was teaching him how to assemble a massive Lego tower while Carole was commenting on the color scheme of it. “It’s fine. He sometimes asks where Abba is and why is it so much colder in America but mostly, he’s fine.”

“I’m really sorry, Katherine.” Kurt said, squeezing Katherine’s hand. She offered him a weak smile and laid her head on Kurt’s shoulders. “It’s okay. I’m okay now.”

They stood there for a while, watching Malachi destroy the third tower and then reassembling it with Burt and Carole. “Kurt, you shouldn’t let Sebastian go.”

“I know, but I think it’s too late for that.” Kurt sighed. He turned around so he could look at Katherine, to the similar green eyes that he fell for two years ago. “He said he needed to escape.”

“Escape this life, maybe, but not you, of course.” Katherine caressed the inside of Kurt’s wrist. The other hand played with her long blonde locks; the ones Malachi inherited. “He’s so head over heels for you, Kurt. I talked to him yesterday and he was still waiting for your call.”

Kurt lowered his sight. “Katherine, I… I busted it. I’m too busy with my job to even realize he was struggling. He had to go back to therapy!”

“Therapy isn’t a bad thing, Kurt.” Katherine admonished.

“I know, but at least, I should have noticed the signs, right? I could’ve helped him. I could’ve been there for him. But no, I decided to be a dick and worry about what New York would say about me instead of taking care of the person I love the most.” Kurt let out a long breath. “During Christmas break, he asked me if I’d marry him right there and then.

“And all I could think of was—our families’ disappointment that they won’t be here and… and the fucking press, Katherine. Who the fuck thinks about the fucking press when the love of his life was asking him to marry him right there and then? I’m fucking demented, Katherine, and I blew my chance. I… I think Sebastian is right about me not being his Kurt.”

Katherine put her hand on Kurt’s cheek, caressing it softly. It was smaller than Sebastian’s, and less calloused, but if Kurt closed his eyes for a few seconds he could still vaguely remember the feeling of Sebastian’s hand, anchoring him.

A tear fell down his face, and Katherine’s fingers were there to catch it.

“I’m so sorry, Katherine. I didn’t mean to go all weepy on you.” Kurt removed himself from Katherine’s hold as he moved to the window, to sit down on the ottoman where he spent the last meal with Sebastian before the latter went to France.

“It’s fine. I just… I love you both, okay. But, Sebastian will always be my brother, and he will come first regardless of the friendship we have. I really hate to see him hurting.” Katherine stood next to Kurt, caressing Kurt’s shoulders as they looked down on the city.

“But… is he better, though?” Kurt asked, almost in a whisper.

Katherine sighed. “It’s hard to tell.”

“I’ll… I’ll give him a call after this Week.” Kurt said. “I promise.”

“That’s all I ask.”

***

Sebastian spent a lot of his afternoons driving to the beach. It was a two-hour drive from the Bellecourt family’s vineyard, but it was worth it to get the Mediterranean wind sweeping through his hair, the sand between his feet, and just escape to a place without the bustling New York life he left behind.

He lathered himself in more sunscreen than necessary, a lesson he learned from Kurt when they vacationed to Bali and they were practically cooked shrimps for three days. He smiled as he remembered the vacation; it had been their first one, when they were only six months along, but it had felt so right to go on to the other side of the globe with Kurt.

Nothing ever felt wrong with Kurt.

Kurt.

Sebastian checked his phone. There was still no communication from the other side of the Atlantic. It should be around noon in New York.

Kurt was always busy, and now that Sebastian is not part of the equation anymore, he probably had more time to spend on working. He’d hate to bother him.

He sighed and headed to the beach club nearby. He’d been a regular occurrence in the club for the past month, the bartender didn’t even have to ask what he was going to order.

A Shirley Temple, with a cherry on top.

Sebastian played with his empty left ring finger as he waited. It felt so, so wrong to have it so light, but it also felt so _free_ , and he was still confused, even after a month of being away. He did feel freer than he had ever been in the past year, living in the vineyard with his mother.

The glass of pink beverage slid in front of him, alongside a paper towel.

“ _The guy over there paid for it._ ” The bartender said as she nodded to a man, not older than 30, on the other side of the bar.

“ _Merci_.” Sebastian smiled as he sipped on his drink. He saw the paper towel—a phone number scribbled on it, obvious in its intent—and he sighed. There was a time where he would take up on the offer, but that time had passed.

If he and Kurt didn’t work, he’s considered moving to France to help his mom with the vineyard. Maybe try to pass the bar in France and practice here instead. Live out his life as the bachelor with too many dogs and so much adolescent rebellion stories.

But if he and Kurt were meant to be…

Sebastian sighed. He couldn’t imagine Kurt moving to the town the vineyard was in. Hell, he couldn’t imagine Kurt _moving from New York_ at all, let alone to such an obscure place, in a foreign country like this.

It could have been because of his practice as a family lawyer. He knew the nitty-gritty of how bad a relationship can be.

It could have been because of his personal experience. His parents, separated for years but cannot divorce due to their religion; his sister, leaving her faith to elope with a man 10 years her senior just to be cheated on 7 years after; and even Kurt, re-meeting him in the event of his fairytale marriage that ended up unlike the fairytale at all.

Maybe he was just scared.

Sebastian sighed and laughed silently at himself. All of these thoughts are exactly what Alisa would like to read in his journal. He’ll remember to write it down.

Now, he’ll toast to the fruity cocktail and drive back home.

***

When he came back to the house, which was basically a two-story mansion in the middle of the vineyard, his mom was sitting on the porch. Smiling.

No, actually, smirking.

Kurt always called the smirk a _Smythe special_ , but he was wrong. It’s a Bellecourt trademark.

“Why are you smirking like that?” He raised an eyebrow as he sat next to his mom. She turned her body to look into Sebastian, and she might be pushing fifty-five, but Cécile Bellecourt is still a former runway model that even the gayest man on earth can’t dispute her beauty.

Sebastian sometimes forgot how pretty his mom was. “Okay, before you start, you’re really pretty like this.”

Cécile’s eyes and smirk softened. “Thank you, _ma petite grenouille_.”

“ _Little frog_?” Sebastian raised his eyebrow even further. “For that, I’m taking my compliment back.”

“No, you’re not.” Cécile pushed his shoulder playfully. “ _I have something to tell you_.” She said, reverting to her mother tongue.

Sebastian turned his body slightly, so he was facing his mother fully, then nodded at her to continue.

“ _Remember what we did for fun after you came out to me? When you were fifteen?_ ”

Sebastian scrunched his face, thinking. His depression had made him forget a lot of things, but him coming out was probably something he couldn’t forget as a general big moment in his life. That being said, it didn’t mean he remembered _specifically_ which part his mom was referring to.

“ _Um, musicals?_ ” Sebastian tried.

Cécile nodded. “ _Well, I thought, it’s getting boring in the town for a month, so I decided that we’ll go to Paris for a week. Maybe two if we need more time. Hedwig is touring in theatre and I thought we could go._ ”

 _Hedwig_ was Sebastian’s favorite show. Back then, when he was still confused about his sexuality, he thought watching men dressed as women was close enough as straight as he could and he pretended that it’s just _his thing_ , but growing up, he loved _Hedwig_ as a way of… projecting his true self, in lack of better words, while he was still struggling with himself.

He smiled as he remembered the memory of him finally accepting his sexuality, and his tendency to prefer performing than sports despite being good at both, and his mom taking him all around Europe to watch musicals that were performing.

Especially _Hedwig_.

“ _That would be lovely._ ” Sebastian reached out to grab his mother’s hands. “ _We haven’t done that for years, have we?_ ”

Cécile shook her head. “ _I’m sorry that I’m so busy here that I didn’t notice your hurt._ ”

Sebastian’s eyes widen. “ _Maman, no, it’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. I’m okay. I didn’t hurt myself. I don’t even need to take drugs! I’m just really confused and tired. But Hedwig would cure everything._ ”

At the re-mention of _Hedwig_ , Cécile’s brown eyes glinted in the dark. “ _Oh, I have something else too… Come on in, it’s in my room_.”

The pair went inside and upstairs to the master bedroom, where Cécile was staying. On the bed, there were a pair of dresses, both sultry, with a deep plunge on the chest, spaghetti straps, and a slit up to the thighs. The only difference is that one is red, and one is white.

“ _The red one is yours._ ” Cécile said.

Sebastian chuckled. “ _We’re going to Hedwig in drag._ ”

“ _We’re going to Hedwig in drag_.” Cécile mimicked. “ _Although it doesn’t count as drag for me, does it?_ ”

“ _I don’t think so._ ” Sebastian shrugged, but his smile was still intact. “ _Thank you, Maman_.” He grabbed Cécile’s shoulders with one arm and hugged her sideways. “ _There was a time that I’d snap at you for doing this, you know._ ”

“ _I know_.” Cécile nodded. “ _Alas, I’ll make you the prettiest queen in all of Europe._ ” Cécile promised.

“ _I trust you_.” Sebastian swayed them side to side, feeling happy.

Happy.

Huh.

So that’s how it felt like.

***

_[@hummeldesigns] @sebastiansmythe posted a new photo._

Kurt’s phone light up due to the new Instagram notifications, and he immediately pressed on the notice. As he saw what Sebastian had just posted, if he had to excuse himself from the common room in the studio, he hoped no one noticed.

In the post, there were three photos, all of Sebastian in a very revealing, floor-length, red dress with a really high thigh slit, a deep plunge in the chest, and he wore a chest-length jet black wig, his face beat with a really professional-looking French make up, but his day-worth stubble was peeking through, obviously on purpose.

And his eyes, god, his eyes, green so bright against the night. Kurt smiled.

The first photo, Sebastian was sitting on the steps of what Kurt figured a random Parisian apartment, his legs teasingly dangled to the last step, feet clad in black stilettos, while he leaned backwards, showing off his lean, long body, as he looked directly into the camera.

The second photo, he was standing up, with a black coat over his dress, one shoulder off, giving a tease of what’s below as he smirked. _The Smythe special_ , Kurt thought.

The last photo, Sebastian was smiling as he held up a playbill for _Hedwig_ , and it all made sense. Sebastian went to see _Hedwig_ , his favorite musical, in drag.

Kurt saw the caption. It said in French, _Mama treats her queen well._ As well as a tag to his mother’s Instagram account, @cbellecourt.

So, Cécile had taken Sebastian out to see _Hedwig_ in Paris, in drag, and probably did the make up as well. As much as Kurt was not in good footing with Cécile, he could appreciate a supportive mother.

He already liked the post, and he _personally_ really liked the photos, but now he’d seen Cécile was part of the post, and he wondered if it was okay for him to leave a comment. This felt so dumb, he felt like a teenager all over again, wondering if it was appropriate to leave a comment on his crush’s Instagram post.

But he was still wondering, so he fired a text to Blaine.

_To: Blaine | on a scale of 1-10, how okay is it for me to comment on sebastian’s ig post?_

It didn’t take his ex-husband long to answer.

_From: Blaine | 11. Youre literally engaged to him._

He sighed.

_To: Blaine | he gave me his ring back remember_

_From: Blaine | Yea but he also promised to come back._

_| Just comment whatever!_

_To: Blaine | but his mom is tagged!!_

_From: Blaine | So? I saw the post, I think Id be offended if my son’s supposed lover/fiance/whatever didnt react at all_ 😑

_To: Blaine | fine but if cecile hates me more i’m blaming it on you_

_From: Blaine | Sure, stop bothering me I need to write a story_

Kurt groaned and threw his head back, but he decided to follow Blaine’s advice. Cécile already hated his guts anyway; how bad could it be.

**_hummeldesigns: F. Scott Fitzgerald would cry beneath your green eyes._ **

**_hummeldesigns: PS: I think I know who my next featured model for Fall/Winter would be._ ** **😘**

He ignored the immediate _likes_ his comments got. Sebastian was as much part of the New York socialite circle as he was, and he had Kurt’s fans following him ever since they were publicly seen together or what not.

Maybe Kurt was seen with a naked left ring finger during New York Fashion Week, and so did Sebastian’s in those photos, but he hoped that wouldn’t be a problem for his reactions.

***

“Darling, the internet _loves_ you!” Cécile beamed as she saw Sebastian’s post likes soar. Sebastian chuckled as he flipped the page on his book, trying to not react on the amount of popularity his last post from two nights ago made.

His Instagram had always been a public domain—first the son of Ohio State Attorney and an international supermodel, then speed-dating high-profile socialites in New York and Europe, and finally engaged to Kurt—so he wasn’t really surprised at how many people saw and liked his posts anymore. Sometimes there would be nasty people bullying him for being gay or whatever, but he couldn’t really bother to care. Especially with him posting alluring photos of himself dressing feminine, he expected it to make a mess of the public circle he was a part of. He also expected more bullies telling him to kill himself. Oh, the joy to be gay and attractive.

“ _Some comments are really mean, ma petite grenouille. Would you like me to delete them or tell them off?_ ” Cécile offered, her brown eyes dimming in concern. Sebastian put down his book, after dog-earing the last page he was in, and looked at his mom.

“It’s fine. I expected mean homophobes when I posted them.” Sebastian took Cécile’s hand in his and squeezed.

“ _You shouldn’t tolerate them_.” Cécile grumbled. “ _I’m telling them off_.”

“You’re the supermodel, Maman.” He raised Cécile’s hand to his lips to kiss it, then he went back to his book. However, Cécile tugged at his hand that was still holding hers, so he put the book back down. “ _What?_ ”

“Kurt left two comments.” Cécile showed her phone, with Kurt’s comments on its screen.

“ _F. Scott Fitzgerald would cry beneath your green eyes_ ,” recited Sebastian, then he continued, “ _I think I know who my next featured model for Fall/Winter would be._ ”

He unknowingly smiled at the screen, swooning at the obvious pick-up Kurt was making at his post. It felt good that Kurt still felt that way about him, even when he was dressed 180 degrees than what he used to.

“Why would F. Scott Fitzgerald cry because of your eyes?” Cécile was obviously confused.

“ _The Great Gatsby_. There are mentions of green lights in the book.” The smile was still apparent at the lawyer’s face. “I can’t believe he remembered. I thought it was really creepy, and I told him that. He remembered.”

“Of course he does, he loves you.” Cécile slapped Sebastian’s hand playfully. “ _I still remember your father’s stupid fear of balloons._ ”

“So you still love Dad?” Sebastian asked.

Cécile gave him a _are-you-serious_ glare. Sebastian shrugged at the glare, continuing, “I mean, your breakup has been permanent for years. I thought…”

“Despite everything, Albert is the father of my children. Even if I don’t love him as a romantic partner, I still love him for being your father.” Cécile sighed. “I don’t actually hate Kurt, _grenouille_.”

“Oh?” That was new. Cécile disliked Kurt ever since Sebastian took him home in Christmas. Or, she appeared to, anyway.

“ _I’m afraid you’d get your heart broken. Which turns out to be true_.” Cécile said.

“Maman—”

“ _Kurt was the first person you ever introduced to us. At the same age, Katherine had introduced probably ten boys to us. So yeah, I was really worried. First loves rarely end well_.” Cécile continued, “You’ve seen me and Albert. First love, married young, broke up old. Now I’m not young enough to pick up men.”

“Maman, you’re still attractive enough to find a boyfriend.” Sebastian reprimanded.

“I’m too old to be making heart eyes to young men.” Cécile waved her hand around. “ _But my point still stands, petite grenouille. You gave him everything you’ve got, you changed after you met him, and I know you changed to be a kinder person, and I’m grateful to Kurt for that, but look how deep you’ve got. He’s in every cell of your body. I hate that you have to go through all that._ ”

Sebastian sighed. “ _Maman, heartbreak is a given in a relationship. I’m not mad at Kurt for that. I think this whole thing is also my fault. I’ve lost my way and I just… blamed everything on Kurt. It’s unfair to him as much as it’s unfair to me_.”

“I guess it’s just a mother instinct to protect her children _. I hate how Katherine was taken away from us, to a place none of us ever went, with a man we’ve only met once, and then she was just… dumped, just like that. I don’t want that to happen to you._ ” Cécile lowered her head. “ _I felt I disappointed her for not protecting her._ ”

“Katie is strong, Maman. She’s doing great. She got that job at Google, remember? And she _rocked_ it in New York Fashion Week with Kurt. If all else fails, she can follow your steps.” Sebastian nudged his mom. “ _And I’m strong too. I know I have problems with this_ ,” he waved around his head, “ _but I’m strong, Maman. I’m not the little frog that cried when he got his toys stolen in the playground anymore_.” He dragged his chair closer to his mom’s and manhandled her head to lay on his shoulder. Cécile chuckled. “I promised Kurt I will come back as soon as I got everything figured out.”

“ _Ma petite grenouille_ …” Cécile started.

“No, Maman. I know that… that what we have might not be forever, but I love him. Right now, he’s still the love of my life. I have to go back home to him and give us another shot. I’m just not ready to go home for now.” Sebastian said against Cécile’s graying blonde hair.

“ _Ma petite grenouille_ ,” Cécile sighed, “ _promise me one thing_.”

“ _Anything, Maman._ ” Sebastian said.

“ _Please don’t lose yourself in love. I know how bad being in love can feel like, how it could make you lose your real self. Please don’t let that happen. Even with Kurt. I know how much you love him, and I can’t… I can’t let what happened to your dad and I happen to you._ ” Cécile finished.

“Maman,” Sebastian started in a slightly reprimanding tone, “don’t worry about my heart, okay?”

“I can’t stop doing that, you’ll always be my little frog.” Cécile elbowed Sebastian on the stomach as she giggled. “I’m sorry if I gave Kurt the wrong idea. I don’t hate him, really. I just hate the _idea_ that you could get your heart broken. If anything, I _hate_ Malachi’s father. I think it’s wise to never remind me how he looks like, because if I do, I would probably need your dad’s help in getting out of a life sentence.”

Sebastian chuckled. “All right, Maman. Operation don’t tell you Malachi’s father, engaged.”

***

Ever since the fated Instagram post, Kurt spent more time on his social media, watching over the Smythes’ and Cécile’s Instagram in case there would be a new post about Sebastian. Other than Cécile, the other family members aren’t active users of the app, so it usually ended in five minutes. It was different today, however—when Kurt woke up at 8, Cécile and Sebastian had new Instagram story updates from three hours ago.

Cécile’s story was a picture of Sebastian enjoying a Big Mac and potato wedges, with the caption:

 _In Paris, and he asked for McDo. I need to de-Americanize my son_. _@sebastiansmythe_

Sebastian’s was a repost of his mother’s story, with a picture of Cécile eating a le P’tit Fondu with her own potato wedges.

 _Hi mirror, I’m Cécile_. _@cbellecourt_

Kurt chuckled at the playful banter between mother and son. He nearly left a reaction to Sebastian’s story, but decided against it—he instead went to the Clocks app on his phone as he dragged himself to the kitchen to prepare a cup of coffee.

It was 8 AM in New York, which meant it was 2 PM in France. He hoped he made the right decision as he pressed _Dial_ on FaceTime.

It took two rings to show Sebastian’s face on his phone.

“ _Kurt? Is that really you?_ ” said the man, looking bewildered. “ _Isn’t it early in New York?_ ”

“8 AM. I just woke up and saw your story, then I checked the hour in Paris and—I thought you’d still be awake. Obviously. It’s still afternoon there. But. Yeah. It’s really me.” Kurt smiled as he poured the coffee from the Moka pot to his cup.

“ _Wow. I… wow. I miss you._ ” Sebastian smiled. “ _But I’m outside—I’m actually going to London right now._ ”

“Oh? What’s in London?” Kurt asked as he blew on his espresso.

“ _We’re going to raid Oxford street. Maman! Say hi to Kurt!_ ” Sebastian said as he moved his free hand back and forth to a direction behind his phone.

“ _Hello Kurt, nice to see you._ ” Cécile waved. “ _You look… like you just woke up_.”

“ _Play nice_!” Sebastian stage-whispered.

“No worries. I did just wake up.” Kurt smiled tensely—he was still disliked by the mother, so it seemed. “When will you return from London?”

“ _Probably tomorrow. We’re just bored with the continent_.” Sebastian shrugged. Kurt laughed at the sheer economic insensitivity Sebastian just expressed—he was _bored_ in _continental Europe_ , so he’ll jump to the next island for a day.

“You’re silly.” Kurt chuckled. “So… I was thinking of coming over next month.”

“ _Oh?_ ” Sebastian was visibly surprised. “ _I mean… of course… Maman?_ ” he looked to Cécile, asking for permission.

Kurt gulped. Of course. Cécile’s family owned the vineyard where they lived anyway.

“ _Of course, why not? The villa is too big for only two people to stay. My room is far enough that I won’t hear the two of you fucking._ ” Cécile shrugged.

“ _Maman!_ ” Sebastian reprimanded, his cheeks blushing tomato red. Kurt’s were too. Cécile only gave her son a side glare.

“ _Kurt, it’s really nice to see you, but we have a train to catch._ ” Cécile said.

“ _Right, yeah. Train to London._ ” Sebastian supplied absently.

“Right. Okay. Safe trip, guys.” Kurt smiled and waved. Sebastian waved back before ending the video call.

Before Kurt set his phone down for the morning, he sent a text to Sebastian.

_To: Sebastian | you look really good and healthy._

_| i like that._

***

Sebastian was pacing back and forth in the living room. Kurt said he was coming over today. Or, around today. The boarding pass said Kurt would arrive around noon in Paris. That’s enough reason to panic, right?

Cécile had been out to check out the wines ready to sell to their distributors as well as testing new flavors, and Sebastian was too much of a nervous energy to drive to the beach like he usually did. What would he do when Kurt arrives?

He checked the clock on the wall. 11 AM. Around an hour until there was no ocean between them. Between his love.

Fuck if he’s not panicking. His hands were wet and _cold_ , his feet getting tired because of the pacing. He checked the clock again. It would be noon soon, but he had too much energy to stay inside, and too much to drive.

“I’m crazy enough as it is.” He mumbled to himself as he ran to his room, changing clothes to long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants, and found an old cap that somehow fit his head. He didn’t know whose it was, and why was it in his room, but he just needed to let the steam out. He lathered his exposed skin in as much sunscreen he had and ran out of the mansion in record time.

He was sure his mom would probably pull at his ears like when he was a child, but he needed an energy release and he was panicking and oh god _Kurt is coming_.

He ran through the vineyard and the town, the sound of the occasional vehicles and people going around being the only running playlist he had. Realistically he knew Kurt wouldn’t arrive until evening, he needed to take another flight to Marseille and then Sebastian should pick him up at around 4 PM and then they would finally be alone probably close to 7 PM but.

Oh god.

Kurt is coming.

Sebastian ran back to the vineyard after one hour and found his mom in between the grapevines and crashed on her feet.

“Maman, I can’t. I can’t meet Kurt. Oh god. I feel so sick. Maman I can’t. I’m scared.”

Cécile only looked at Sebastian as if her son was crazy. Which, he probably was. So she settled to say, “ _You’re crazy_.”

“Thanks, Maman.” Sebastian gasped to breathe. “Really supportive.”

“ _Come on, let’s go back inside._ _I’d rather not have Kurt in my throat for not taking care of you._ ” Cécile nudged Sebastian up, which was the best she could do, as Sebastian had a few inches and pounds more than her. “ _Come on, let’s go inside, I’ll warm up a bath for you, and we’ll have lunch._ ”

Sebastian finally understood what Cécile was saying and slowly followed his mom, still gasping to breathe, and he was still so nervous.

“Mom, I haven’t seen Kurt in three months.” Sebastian rambled again. “I don’t know if I can do this. Oh god, Mom, I can’t.”

“ _You’re calling me ‘Mom’. Yeah, I think you officially lost your mind._ ” Cécile rolled her eyes but chuckled at Sebastian’s nervousness. The last time Sebastian slipped to call her ‘Mom’, it had been when Kurt proposed to him in that show. That had been last year. This month, they were supposed to be in America for the wedding. She chuckled at the _what-if_ thought.

“Mom I can’t. Mom I can’t Mom I can’t I can’t I can’t,” he chanted as he lowered his head, hugging himself.

“Sebastian Ghislain Bellecourt Smythe, _if you say you can’t one more time, **I** will be the one picking Kurt up._” Cécile reprimanded. “ _You’ve been waiting for today and you can meet him again or God help me I will literally force you guys to kiss in the middle of the airport_.”

Sebastian chuckled softly at the silliness of Cécile’s reprimand. “Okay.” He took a deep breath. “Okay. I can do it. I should be can. What?”

“ _Yeah, you’ve lost your mind. Stay here, I’ll get the bath ready for you._ ” Cécile shook her head, muttering something along the line of _this is why I don’t want you to fall in love_ as she went to the downstairs bathroom to run a bath for Sebastian.

“ _Ma petite grenouille_ ,” Cécile called after five minutes, “ _your bath is ready_.”

If she heard a loud _splash_ from the bathroom as her son probably fell ass-first to the bath, she decided to not worry about it.

***

At 4 PM, Sebastian and Cécile had arrived to pick Kurt up in Marseille Provence Airport in front of the arrivals gate. The French woman was on her second cigarette while her son was still pacing back and forth, akin to how he did at their house earlier today. Cécile had given up from settling Sebastian down nicely, so she decided that she would be the one doing the driving.

As she was ready to light a third cigarette, a familiar sight met the pair. Cécile waved and smiled thinly, but Sebastian was frozen in place.

“Hi.” Kurt smiled as he stood in front of Sebastian. He had a trolley of his suitcases next to him and he was carrying a messenger bag on him as well.

Cécile nudged her son. Sebastian was taken back from his trance and realized Kurt was in front of him and. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

He ran to the nearest trash bin and emptied his stomach.

“He’s been like that the whole day.” Cécile commented absently.

“Is he… always like this?” Kurt asked. He didn’t know how to act in front of Cécile after all these months. Especially when Sebastian had been ‘escaping’ with her after breaking their engagement.

“No. Only today.” Cécile lighted the third cigarette. “He was really nervous; he went for a run at noon. I’m surprised he hadn’t passed out due to the heat.”

“He ran at noon in the Riviera _in June_?” Kurt asked incredulously. Sebastian could be out of his mind, but not stupid. Usually.

“I know. It’s really out of character for me too.” Cécile sighed. Sebastian was finally jogging back to them, his face significantly less green than before.

“I would kiss your cheek, but I literally just vomited, and I think I smell really bad, and I don’t want you to think that I smell bad, I promise I don’t always smell bad, and oh god I’m still feeling sick.” Sebastian rambled. “Let’s just… go to the car. I’ll take your trolley.”

Cécile shrugged as she had given up settling Sebastian down the whole day and walked in front of them to lead them to her car. Kurt paced himself with Sebastian, keeping a good distance between them but still walking side-to-side.

After Cécile fired the car and the boys had put Kurt’s belongings in the trunk, they settled into a nice-but-slightly-tense silence for the drive. For Kurt, this was his first time to see Cécile’s side of the family. Despite his visits to France, he would always be there for work, and never visited Cécile unless Sebastian was with him. Even then, they would meet in Paris. Not in the family vineyard.

For Sebastian, his mind was going overdrive. Kurt was finally here. The love of his life, back within his touch, and oh god, _Kurt is **here,** and I can touch **him** , and I can **kiss** him, and I can tell him how much I **love** him **in** **person**_.

He felt sick again, so he gulped down a bottle of water in three gulps.

If he saw Cécile’s stare, he didn’t.

For Cécile, she was just bewildered at her son’s antics. This was the same person that last month was so adamant he would come back home to the guest in her car’s backseat, but now that the person is here, Sebastian was reduced to a nervous energy machine.

As much as she had loved Albert, she never felt the way Sebastian was feeling. Whether what’s happening is good or not, she couldn’t tell.

***

The sun was starting to set in the west when they arrived in the vineyard. The silence in the car had been replaced by Sebastian putting on a mixtape of French jazz, probably Cécile’s, but Kurt couldn’t bother to worry about it. The town they were living was a far cry of the hustle and bustle of New York, and he could understand why Sebastian wanted to escape here. This is the perfect hiding place, the perfect rejuvenate, if you will. The vineyard itself was a fifteen minutes’ drive further from the center of the town, but it wasn’t less breathtaking.

“This place is really beautiful, Cécile.” Kurt said as they came to a stop in front of the—okay, mansion, in the middle of the vineyard.

“Thank you. I try to keep it as authentic as possible.” Cécile nodded as she cut the engine off and walked away from the car. “Sebastian, you can show Kurt around the place. I’m going to smoke some more.”

Sebastian and Kurt exited the car at the same time and when Sebastian popped the trunk, he smiled bashfully at Kurt. “Hi Kurt.”

“Hi Sebastian.” Kurt smiled, amused, at Sebastian’s antics.

“I’m really sorry. I’m just… so excited. I can’t believe you’re here. It felt like forever.” Sebastian took a deep breath. “I’m going to stop speaking so I don’t ramble.” He unceremoniously took both Kurt’s suitcases and immediately dropped it on the asphalt.

“Bas!” Kurt crouched to see Sebastian’s face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, my hands are just trembling. I’m really excited to see you. I know I look silly.” Sebastian laughed self-depreciatively as he straightened up to carry the suitcases up the stairs. Kurt merely shook his head as he carried his last suitcase, smaller than the two in Sebastian’s hands, as he followed his host.

“So, where am I staying?” Kurt asked. The inside of the mansion was huge—obviously—and it looked like there were two wings that they can go.

“The west wing is my mom’s. The east is mine. Would you rather see the sunrise or sunset?” Sebastian asked back.

“Um… sunrise?” Which wasn’t a lie, but also, Kurt didn’t really want to share the same wing as Cécile.

“Okay. Would you like the room next to mine or…? Because there’s like, three unoccupied as I’m here, so, you’ve got choices.” Sebastian said as he led Kurt to the stairs up the east wing. “Allegedly the vineyard has a mansion because this is where the big family would come over from the whole country and meet during holidays or whatever but honestly, this is still unnecessarily big. I prefer medium sized homes. You know, not too big that it feels lonely but also not too small that it feels cramped.”

Kurt laughed softly. “Baby, you’re rambling again.”

Sebastian blushed. “Right, shutting up now.”

“Please don’t. It’s adorable.” Kurt huffed as they arrived at the last step. “Can I have the room next to yours? I promise I’ll play nice.”

Sebastian looked at Kurt and smiled. “Of course!” He practically skipped to lead Kurt to the second to last bedroom from the end of the hallway. “I’m the one in the corner. Beautiful sunrise from two sides. You can enjoy it with me if you want to. I want you to. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’m rambling again, am I?”

Kurt giggled as he tiptoed to kiss Sebastian’s cheek. “You’re adorable. Come on, help me unpack.”

Sebastian nodded absently as he opened the door to Kurt’s room. It was similar to his albeit smaller and with only one windowed wall. “How long do you plan to stay?”

Kurt shrugged. “Maybe one or two weeks. I… I have to be in Paris this weekend, there’s some business I have to take care of. But after that I’m all yours again.”

“Oh.” Sebastian’s face fell. _Of course, he’s here for business_ , he thought, _he’s not here for me._

“Sebastian, it’s not like that.” Kurt sighed and reached out to put his hands on Sebastian’s shoulders. “The timing just worked. Vogue France wanted an interview and I was planning to visit you anyway, so it worked. I don’t have my return ticket just yet, so I can stay for longer. For you.”

“Did I… just say that out loud?” asked Sebastian. Kurt nodded with a smile. “I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay. It had been the problem that made you leave me.” Kurt cupped Sebastian’s face. “It’s okay. I understand how insane I could be with my job. I’m trying a better time management plan. So when you come home to me, we’ll have more time together as _KurtandSebastian_.”

Sebastian closed his eyes under Kurt’s touch. “I don’t know… it’s… complicated.” He let out a long breath. “You must be tired from the flight. We can talk tomorrow morning. I’ll show you around the town. Deal?”

Kurt’s heart made a little fall when he heard _‘it’s complicated’_ , but he schooled his expression. Sebastian had been nervous the whole day and he shouldn’t have to know how that phrase had made Kurt feel. “Deal.”

“Good. Alix should have dinner ready by seven, so be in the dining room by then, okay?” Sebastian wrapped his hands on Kurt’s wrists, caressing them absentmindedly.

“Okay.”

***

The next morning, Sebastian was true to his words as he showed Kurt around the town. The farmer’s market, the small family restaurant, the liquor store. It was a quaint little establishment that was such a far cry from New York, or even Paris, that Kurt was unsure if he was still in the same planet.

“This place is… something else.” Kurt settled to comment, as he bit on his croissant. Sebastian decided it was cappuccino and croissant time and took the two of them to the coffee shop adjacent to the restaurant.

“I know. It’s kind of… magical, isn’t it? It’s crazy to think that three months ago I was living daily in New York.” Sebastian smiled at the memory. “It’s… it’s what makes this complicated.”

Kurt stilled his hand, the one that had been holding his bread. He put down his food and wiped his hand on a tissue. “Okay?”

“I don’t think I want to be a lawyer anymore?” Sebastian said with a shrug. “I don’t know, but living here for three months… I feel really happy, you know. Free. I was even thinking that if you don’t want me back, I’ll just move here full-time and help my mom in the vineyard.”

“Oh.” Kurt nodded. “What if we get back together?”

“I don’t know.” Sebastian scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, New York was where we started. So I think it will have a special place in my heart. But maybe I could try a new profession. Or maybe a new practice area. I think being a family lawyer really drained me, seeing all these people from my social strata fighting over their marriage and their inheritance and what not. Felt so real. I think it’s a reason why I was so scared of us ending like them.

“I realized that a lot of my anger since Christmas was misplaced, and I misplaced it to you. I’m really sorry, Kurt. It’s unfair to you. I broke our engagement, I cancelled our wedding, and yet I had the balls to say that it was your fault. It’s unfair to you. I’m so sorry.”

Kurt tentatively reached one hand out to wrap Sebastian’s right hand, the one on the table, afraid the other man would pull away. When he didn’t, Kurt squeezed his hand. “It’s okay. You were right, I wasn’t your Kurt back then. So even if some of the anger were misplaced, some of them were in the right place. I know I did wrong. But… if you really like it here, it’s… I mean, I can go here once in a while, but I can’t—”

“—leave New York, leave the city life, I know, I thought about it too.” Sebastian gulped. “I don’t know what’s going to happen once I return to New York. The idea of coming back to be a family lawyer scares the shit out of me, but I’ve been practicing so long that it’s what I’m good at. I’m afraid I’d regress back to where I had been before I left for France. But… but I can try to find something new.”

“Bas, I don’t want you to be unhappy just so you can be with me. I don’t want you to change so drastically for me.” Kurt sighed.

“I will be happy if I’m with you too, Kurt.” Sebastian caressed Kurt’s hand, the one intertwined with his, and gave a smile. “I’m willing to try, but I can’t promise anything.”

“I mean…” Kurt took a deep breath. “I obviously haven’t thought about it as long as you have. But… Paris is the capital city of fashion too. Moving to Paris wouldn’t hurt my trade.”

“I can’t ask you to drop everything just because I’m a wimp, Kurt.” Sebastian whined, squeezing Kurt’s hand.

“I’m not dropping everything, and you’re not a wimp, Bas.” Kurt assured. “We can find a place in Paris for the two of us. We can keep our New York place. Paris is its own league with fashion. If anything, it would be kind of cool to break into the Parisian stage after successfully making my own name in New York.”

“You’ve always liked a challenge.” Sebastian smiled.

“I do. That’s why I chose you.” Kurt winked. “Of course, I have to think and plan about this further, but I’m pretty sure it’s doable. I can keep the New York studio as I open a new studio in Paris. We can do this.”

Sebastian’s smile was still intact, but he lowered his sight on their joined hand. “Kurt… I had three months to think about this. You haven’t even had an hour. I can’t ask you to move here just because I’m happy here.”

Kurt sighed. “Baby, you’re not forcing me to move here. I want to go wherever you want to go.”

“I can’t ask that of you.” Sebastian started to pull away, but Kurt kept his hand in an iron grip.

“Let’s compromise. When you feel better, you can come back home to New York, to me. Try your old life again. If you really hate it as much as you think you do now, we can arrange something about living in France.” Kurt said. “Deal?”

Sebastian was still visibly disturbed by the idea of making Kurt arranging something to move to France, but it was better than Kurt dropping everything immediately. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

***

Kurt had been in France for a total of five days, with two days in Paris. When he was in the vineyard, Kurt actively avoided being left alone with Cécile. Whenever Sebastian had to excuse himself to do whatever—reading, running, or just resting—Kurt would follow suit, claiming needing to take care of some business or have calls to make. Which wasn’t a full lie, but also it _had_ been excuses, and Kurt was pretty sure Cécile saw through it.

So when Cécile cornered him, the day after he came back from Paris, he kind of expected it. He was on his laptop to deal with a problem on the finance team when the former model sat down on the dining chair in front of him, sliding a tall glass of iced tea at his direction as she sipped on her own glass.

“Thank you, Cécile.” Kurt said, sliding his laptop to the side as he took the iced tea.

“When Sebastian was a teenager, he hated his dad.” Cécile said immediately. She continued to sip on her own glass.

“Huh?” Kurt didn’t expect _that_ as the opening of Cécile’s possible rant about him.

“Albert was always an emotional guy. It was the major reason why I fell in love with him at first sight, really. At that time, he was already open with his emotion, he wasn’t scared to express it freely, and even despite being called out for being too girly he wouldn’t stop being open about it.” Cécile put down her glass, already finishing half of her drink. “So when Sebastian was struggling with his sexuality, understanding how to be different from the world, he took it out on Albert.”

Kurt had _never_ heard this story before. He knew Sebastian is way closer to Cécile than Albert, but he didn’t realize there was a story behind it. He thought it was just the usual mama’s boy relationship. So he settled to say, “Okay,” and motioned Cécile to continue.

“He would tell Albert off for being emotional. Saying that _real men don’t have emotions_. You know the drill.” Cécile shrugged, visibly disturbed by the topic, but she looked like she had more to say. “It took Albert and I a while to understand that it was _Sebastian_ struggling to understand himself instead of having a grudge against Albert.”

Cécile sighed. “ _Hedwig_ was my way of trying to sit Sebastian down and show him that _it’s fine to be different_. In the beginning he tried to brush it off as he liked anything—or anyone—feminine, despite the person having a beard or whatever, but I knew that he was denying who he was. He was… he was really fragile, back then, with his heart, with his emotions. He wanted to blend in. I guess it didn’t help with the fact that he had a French accent while living in Ohio and going to a very American school.”

“He doesn’t have the accent now, even after living here.” Kurt murmured. “You do, though.”

“Yeah, it’s… he trained himself to lose the accent. I was, I don’t know, sad, I guess. To hear him training to lose the accent. But all he wanted was to be accepted. Then I realized that maybe that was what it was, about the emotion and hating Albert. Maybe he thought he would be less accepted if he was in tune with who he was.” Cécile played with the ends of her hair.

“He was still in that phase when we met, wasn’t he?” Kurt deduced. Cécile smiled and nodded.

“That kid’s suicide attempt was the last straw. Sebastian had accepted his own sexuality, but he didn’t know how to control his emotions yet. We decided to find a doctor for Sebastian to help with his issues and turns out, there’s a lot.” Cécile laughed depreciatively. “I felt like a bad mother for failing to understand her son.”

“But I decided that was the last time I would be a bad mother.” Cécile continued, now staring at Kurt with an intense glare. “I decided that I will be there for Sebastian, whatever it takes, whatever he needs from me. Even after Albert and I parted ways, I stayed in America for Sebastian until he graduated law school. Then he started to explore relationships and then I was scared again. I… I’m not a stranger to heartbreak, so I knew how bad it could go. Especially with Sebastian and his history of… you know, hating emotions. I had a feeling that he would take it to his grave or he would let it explode.

“And when he took you home, I just… I had already experienced missing Katherine because she followed a man. I wasn’t going to lose Sebastian too. So I tried to… I tried to make Sebastian understand that no matter how much he loves you; he should not let him lose himself for you. But I think… I think that by doing that, it gave you the idea that I don’t like you.” Cécile smiled sadly.

“It’s not that I don’t like _you_. I don’t like that my son would experience his first heartbreak. I don’t like to see my son hurting more than he already have. I would protect him from everything, but I cannot protect him from his own heart. So…” Cécile took a sharp breath, “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. I like you, Kurt. You’re an amazing designer and you’re a good person. Your family is lovely too. I just… I was just trying to protect Sebastian. The way I failed with Katherine.”

Kurt closed the lid of his laptop and leaned back on his chair. _That_ was a lot to deal with. “So you’ve never hated me?” he settled to ask.

Cécile shook her head. “I’m sorry about that.”

Kurt nodded. “Okay…” He blew a sharp breath. “I… What happens to Sebastian’s relationship is his business, Cécile.”

“I know.” Cécile sighed. “But you can’t blame a mother for wanting to protect her child.”

“Yeah, I guess I can’t. It’s… I need to process this first. For three years, I thought you hated my guts, Cécile.” Kurt said, reaching at his own iced tea to sip on it.

“I didn’t think you’d see it as hatred.” Cécile said with a sigh. “I know it’s a lot. What I’m trying to say now is… please don’t break his heart again.”

Kurt lowered his gaze. “I can’t promise that I won’t, since the last time, I didn’t do it on purpose either. But… I promise I will try to make him happy.”

Cécile smiled and nodded. “That’s all I ask. For that, I have—”

“Well, this is a sight I thought I’d never see.” Sebastian’s voice suddenly came into the dining room. Kurt looked up to drink the sight: Sebastian was wearing tight black shorts and a navy shirt, drenched in sweat, as he was pulling away his headset and phone to put it on the table. “Don’t worry, I washed my hand.” He said to his mom as he kissed the top of her head.

Cécile smiled at her son. “As I was saying, I have something for you guys.”

“Oh?” Both men were intrigued.

“What do you think of leaving this old hag behind and enjoy a few days in Marseille?” Cécile said as she showed Sebastian her phone.

“Three days, two nights stay at Radisson Blu for two.” Sebastian sounded impressed. “Sure, why not. I’m going to take a shower for now though.”

“Don’t take too long.” Kurt instinctively piped.

Sebastian was surprised at Kurt’s reaction by the way he looked. It took a while for him to formulate an answer, but he settled with, “I’ll try,” and a wink.

As soon as Sebastian was out of the room, Kurt turned to Cécile. “You want us to… go together?”

“Of course. I know the vineyard is nice, and peaceful, but I think the two of you need to be together _alone_ and not with the mother and her house staffs.” Cécile smiled.

Kurt nodded, still trying to process everything. Not only that Cécile never hated him, she also booked them a hotel to stay. He let out a long breath. Then he remembered something. “If Sebastian comes back to New York, or, I don’t know, move somewhere else… then you’ll be alone here?”

“Pretty much,” Cécile nodded, “but sometimes a family member would come over to check on me, and the town is pretty much my family, so it’s not that I’m completely alone. I also have Alix and the other staffs to accompany me.”

Kurt pondered. Cécile is in her mid-life, and she’s living alone in a vineyard. “Would you be mad if… I take Sebastian home?”

Cécile didn’t answer immediately, choosing instead to study Kurt’s question. “No. I’ve been living here for ten years. It’s not like Sebastian _never_ visited me in those years. It’s lovely to have him around, but I knew it’s temporary.”

“But you’d prefer to have him around, don’t you?” Kurt asked.

“It would be nice to have my son around me, yes. But he has a life that doesn’t concern me.” Cécile grabbed her glass and emptied the iced tea with several sips. “Whatever the two of you decide, don’t worry about me. As long as Sebastian is happy, I’m happy too.”

Kurt nodded. “Thank you, Cécile.”

***

After the talk with Cécile, Kurt had retreated to the east wing. He was going to enter his own room when he heard Sebastian’s bathroom’s shower being turned off, and he hesitated.

Would it be okay to knock on Sebastian’s door? They didn’t actually have a lot of time alone together over the two days Kurt had been in the vineyard after their brunch in that coffee shop. Mostly, Sebastian would take Kurt around the vineyard and the cellar, introducing him to his favorite wines, and then he would retreat to read on the porch as Kurt continue to work for the upcoming season.

His Sebastian had always been a reader—their study is littered with his books, organized between law books and fiction books, then the fiction books are organized further between genres. Kurt didn’t remember Sebastian taking any books from their place, so whatever he had been reading would be from here.

Kurt sighed. Sebastian already agreed to the holiday Cécile organized. What would be wrong of him to knock on Sebastian’s door?

It only took three raps on the door for Sebastian to open it. He was only wearing a pair of loose sweatpants with his towel around his shoulders. “Oh, hey.”

“Hi.” Kurt smiled. “Can I come in?”

“Oh! Of course.” Sebastian opened the door wider and stepped to the side to let Kurt in. Kurt nodded in gratitude as he entered the room. It’s similar to the one he’d been staying in, but slightly bigger, with two windowed walls.

“You weren’t lying about the view from your room.” Kurt commented as he put his laptop on the desk, then moving to stare out of the window.

From there, they could see the east side of the vineyard, and in the near distance, the town, with its towering church and town hall dwarfing the small buildings around them.

“Yeah.” Sebastian agreed as he put on a t-shirt over his head, his voice slightly muffled. “Seeing the sun rise from behind the town is really something else,” he said as he sat down on the bed behind Kurt.

Kurt could hear Sebastian sitting closer to him, but he wasn’t ready to turn around just yet. “Are you sure you want to be alone with me in Marseille?”

“Why shouldn’t I be sure?” Sebastian asked.

Kurt shook his head, then turned around. “I… we haven’t talked about us yet.”

“We did in the coffee shop.” The other man said, his eyes challenging.

“And that was it. I… how are you, Bas? Are you feeling better? Is there anything new I should know about you after all these months?” Kurt waved his hand in a futile attempt to press his case. “Have you picked up a new hobby? What is it that made you realize you hate your job? Was your anger at me truly at me or was it an amalgamation of everything?”

“That… escalated quickly.” Sebastian leaned back on his palms on the bed behind him. “Let’s take a step back. Sit, please.” He patted the space next to him. Kurt sighed before sitting down next to Sebastian, as the other man turned around to sit cross-legged, looking at Kurt directly. “Let’s do this as a game.”

“Bas, I’m being serious.”

“Me too! Let’s play twenty questions, but not twenty. Come on. Let me start: How was the Week?” Sebastian tugged at Kurt’s hand, asking the other man to look at him back, and Kurt couldn’t help but giggle on the silliness of his ex-fiancé.

“It was amazing. Katherine was the best date, everyone wanted a piece of her, and I think she was actually featured in a tabloid as a ‘beauty with a brain’ or some sort.” Kurt took a deep breath. “My collection received mixed reviews, though. Not everyone liked them. So far, it’s the worst performing out of my whole career.”

“I’m sorry.” Sebastian squeezed Kurt’s hand. “For what it’s worth, it’s probably because you didn’t have me as your live mannequin.”

“Probably.” Kurt laughed as he dropped his gaze on their intertwined hand. “My turn. What have you been doing here?”

“I drive to Marseille a lot. There’s this beach that has a decent beach club, but it’s not too crowded. I’d go there to watch the sunset and enjoy a cocktail before driving back. Other than that, I’ve been running and reading, but I think you knew that.” Sebastian put a finger on Kurt’s chin to push his face up.

“What have you been reading?” Kurt asked.

“Shouldn’t it be my turn?” Sebastian asked back.

“You just asked something, so now it’s my turn. What have you been reading?” Kurt winked as the other man groaned, realizing he had been swindled at his own game.

“I’m trying to finish all translated Murakami novels. They’re really good. My favorite of his so far is _Norwegian Wood_. I’ve just started to read _1Q84_. If I’m not mistaken, after this one, I have two left to go.” Sebastian moved to the other side of the bed to show Kurt the book. It’s a particularly thick one, but the bookmark jutting out on the top showed that Sebastian was halfway through the book.

“My turn.” Sebastian said as he put the book beside him. “How are you? How are your family?”

“My dad is thinking of retiring from the Congress, as he’d been there for almost twenty years now. He’s trying to find a good replacement. Carole is fine, and she loves Malachi.” Kurt sighed. “I realized what you meant by me not being your Kurt anymore, when you were gone. I thought about my answer in the car after that dinner. I talked to Blaine about me coming home drunk and everything. I… I don’t know if this is a good defense, but… I’d been so stressed with Fashion Week, and tweaking everything left and right, and I just… I guess I forgot that you were there too, sharing my stress and insanity. I knew in the back of my mind that we had a wedding to plan but I just… shrugged it off as being, you know, it’s something I can do later. I’ve planned my dad’s wedding before. I know how it’s supposed to go. Or something. I’m not sure. I don’t even know if this is the train of thought that happened back then or is this my present brain trying to find an argument for what had happened. I’m truly sorry, Bas. I hope you can forgive me.”

Kurt took a really deep breath after he ended his answer. “What about you? What was it that made you realize you hate being a lawyer?”

It was Sebastian’s turn to sigh. “Everything? It’s just… really messy. Your case was actually one of the simplest ones I’ve ever had. Usually there would be fights on who gets what, who gets the custody, but wait isn’t she a supporter of conversion therapy? Why should she get custody of the gay kid? That’s just divorces. I haven’t gone through when child abuse is involved or when the couple are of different nationalities.” He played with Kurt’s fingers. “I think the more I take care of these issues, I just… got scared of reliving all of those problems with you. I wanted our relationship to be perfect, but then we just… got… like how we did, and I was so scared of us turning into them. So yeah. Family law is really stressful.” He laughed self-depreciatively.

“Do you think we can go back to where we were?” Sebastian asked.

Kurt was silent for a while. “I don’t know. I don’t think we would be the same. But I think we can make it work. Do you?”

“I… I have to try. I would kill myself if I didn’t.” Sebastian tentatively reached a hand to wrap around Kurt’s cheek, looking into his eyes. “I still love you, Kurt, despite everything. You’re still the love of my life.”

“I love you too, Bas. So, so much. It felt so wrong to not have you next to me.” Kurt put his hand on top of Sebastian’s, the one on his cheek, rubbing the inside of his wrist. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t notice you were having your own problems too. I promise I’ll be better.”

Sebastian smiled, his eyes wet with brimming tears. “You’ve been calling me with nicknames ever since you got here.”

“I have?” Kurt laughed as he wiped his tears with his other hand. He turned his head to kiss Sebastian’s palm, then taking that hand to kiss as well. “I guess we’re going the right way, are we?”

“I hope so.” Sebastian put his left hand to Kurt’s neck, as he scooted closer. “I… I want to kiss you. Can I?”

Kurt smiled as he reached to wrap his hand on Sebastian’s shoulder. “Yes.”

Kurt swore Sebastian’s eyes lightened up as he moved closer, until their lips were ghosting each other, and then Sebastian was kissing him for real, and Kurt couldn’t bother to keep his eyes open.

It was magical, it was amazing, but most of all, it felt familiar. It felt like _home_. Kurt’s hands started to have a mind of their own and reached to wrap them around Sebastian’s neck, as Sebastian pushed him down on the bed, knees braced next to Kurt’s thighs and an arm holding him from falling against Kurt, while the other started to roam Kurt’s body.

When they separated for air, green eyes met blue, and they giggled.

“I missed that a lot,” said Sebastian breathily, his hand still running up and down on Kurt’s side.

“I missed that too.” Kurt said, wrapping his arms tighter around Sebastian as he pushed the other man down to kiss him some more. When he gave playful bites on Sebastian’s lower lip, the other man parted his lips for him, and yes, he’s totally going to do whatever to keep this.

The second time they parted, Sebastian was a lot closer than he had been before. “I love you, Kurt Hummel.”

“I love you, Sebastian Smythe.” Kurt raised a hand to comb Sebastian’s hair, then settling it on the back of his neck. “Now kiss me again.”

“Your wish is my command.” Sebastian crashed his lips against Kurt’s again.

***

It took another month for Sebastian to finally take that flight back home to New York. Kurt’s visit to France ended up only a little over two weeks until his studio was in a metaphorical fire and he had to come back. Sebastian decided that he would plan his arrival to New York to the second, making sure he would arrive around noon where Kurt would be still at work, so he’d surprise Kurt and make his day. Maybe prepare dinner for him, get them a new bottle of wine.

But no, because jet lag is a bitch, and Sebastian basically face planted on the bed as soon as he managed to put on fresh clothes after his shower.

He woke up to a shriek. “Who are you!”

“What…” Sebastian dug the heels of his hand to his eyes, blinked a few times, and he realized it was dark. “Shit, I didn’t mean to sleep.”

“Bas?” Right, the shriek should be Kurt.

“Hi.” Sebastian waved his hand awkwardly, trying to look composed but how do you look composed if you just fled through an ocean and slept for probably more than five hours?

“I… didn’t know you were coming home.” Kurt said, stepping closer slowly. “Is it really you?”

Sebastian nodded. When he realized it was too dark for Kurt to see his body movement, he took a deep breath. “Surprise—oof.”

He was tackled back on the bed as Kurt hugged him tight, peppering the side of his face with kisses. “Oh my god, it is you! You’re home! You’re here!”

“I’m home. I’m here.” Sebastian smiled at Kurt’s enthusiasm. “I’m never leaving you again.”

“Don’t you dare!” Kurt said before crashing his lips to Sebastian’s, cupping his face in his hands, making sure that this wasn’t a dream.

***

The road to Sebastian’s coming home would be rough. He would spend the next day submitting his resignation notice to his uncle and wander around the city to find something he would like to do, only to come back home to change and go on a run.

The cycle would continue, and some days he would even be tired to do anything so he would spend his days reading in the balcony, eating up words after words, finishing wine after wine.

They still fought, with Kurt needing to create something better, something new, something amazing to eclipse his last flopping collection, and Sebastian nearly losing his path again. It took until Sebastian criticizing Blaine’s new story that Blaine snapped, telling him to _Write your own story, you fucking dickwad, instead of breaking down every single fucking letter I made!_

So Sebastian, never backing down from a challenge, write he did. The hours he had spent reading now would be spent with writing, still finishing wine after wine, but now he was glued to the study and his laptop, and when his eyes start to strain, he would move to his notebook, and then another notebook, and another, until Kurt removed everything that was his from the study to a spare bedroom, because Sebastian was starting to go all caveman in that room.

Kurt managed to drag Sebastian out once, for his Fall/Winter show with Vogue, and they made the headlines for being the power couple again, but Sebastian took it up a notch and started to schmooze his way around magazines and publishers, pitching his work, until one found his idea interesting enough.

Kurt would be there when Sebastian was ready to pull his hair out as he dealt with the editing stage, mending words that was deemed ‘too strange’ to be there or removing events that was thought to be ‘unnecessary’ to the plot, just the way Sebastian was there when Kurt was an inch away from telling the current magazine off for calling his designs too _eccentric_.

Kurt would be there when Sebastian finally published his first book one year later, swatting his middle finger away from Blaine’s direction as his ex-husband’s words were the catalyst to this event, while being so proud of his fiancé that his heart could probably break out from its cage and burst open.

He didn’t expect it when Sebastian stood on one knee that night, the night when they had the call from Sebastian’s publicist, but he wasn’t surprised.

“I know the last time went in smokes, but I also know that we’re meant to be. You’re the only man I love, you’re the only man I want to see the first thing in the morning, and you’re the only man I want to see the last thing at night. You’re the man I want to marry, Kurt. Let me be the man you’ll marry too.”

Kurt couldn’t trust his mouth to say anything useful, so he merely nodded as he offered his left hand to Sebastian, with the same ring he had two years ago finally back in its place, and Kurt crashed his lips to Sebastian’s again.

They were going to be alright.


End file.
